Pain
by showstopper92
Summary: What if Dumbledore gave Harry detention with Filch for the department of mysteries? and what if he wasn't informed of Filch's permission of whipping students before he did so? slightDumbledore and bigmolly bashing! and how does Lupin feel about it? Remus/Harry bonding ABUSE
1. Sentence

**Disclaimer- I do not and will never own the Harry Potter stories. That belongs to J.K. Rowling… (though I do wish she didn't kill off all of my favorite characters….)**

Harry sat on the floor of the bathroom in the boys dorms defeated. He pulled up his knees to his chest and buried his face in his arms on top. He locked the door and put a silencing charm on it. Not that it mattered anymore. None of it mattered.

_Sirius was dead._

And the worse thing was it as his entire fault. If only he had _listened_ to Hermione when she told him it was probably a trap. But _no_ he just had to go and save him! _Bloody good job I did at that!_ He thought to himself harshly.

His beloved godfather Sirius- the one adult to ever be there for him; the man that offered him a home with him; who didn't think that Harry was just a freak or a waste of space; the man who broke out of prison to keep the man who betrayed his parents away from him. The man who never hurt him; the only who _loved_ him even.

He was dead.

And it was all his fault.

Harry buried himself deeper in his arms and his body shook violently as a few more tears leaked out. What felt like hours had only been a few minutes and he already felt exhausted from crying. He tried to keep himself awake by clawing his nails into the palms of his hands. He didn't deserve sleep. He didn't deserve to relax into sleep. Not like he even could anyway he thought as he looked at the note clutched in his hand. He only had half an hour before he had to go to Filch's office.

_Back in Dumbledore's office earlier this evening…._

"_Harry I am truly sorry for your loss tonight but the fact still remains that you led a group of your friends off of school grounds and put them all into very serious danger. I understand you are very upset at the moment but actions still do have consequences."_

_Harry's throat tightened up when Dumbledore said the word 'serious' and had to hold back a sob. He was still in too much of a daze to fully comprehend everything that was being said. "Sir?"_

_Dumbledore elaborated. "As much as I understand the great loss you are suffering I cannot let this slide so you will be having detention with Mr. Filch this evening as well as for the rest of the week."_

_Harry said nothing. He was too upset to even say anything. He knew he deserved it. After all what else do you do to the person that got their godfather killed?_

"_On Friday your detention ends and I will allow you to go to the Wealsey's for the weekend to have some time to grieve for Sirius. Normally in such occasions the student will receive a month to two months detention at the least but circumstances in place you are getting quite a bit of leniency. But you have to learn that the adults around you are here to protect you and you cannot leave because you had a vision. Next time leave it to the adults if you were unsure that Professor Snape knew what you were talking about then you should have gone to him after you escaped from Umbridge."_

_Harry stared at the man while Dumbledore took out a piece of parchment and quill and wrote something down. He handed the note to Harry. "Your detention starts at seven O' Clock this evening. Report to Mr. Filch's office you will leave when Mr. Filch tells you, you may go for the evening. Now go and get some rest before then." Dumbledore got up and guided Harry to the door. Dumbledore put his arm on his shoulder but Harry shrugged it off. Dumbledore tried to hide the hurt on his face but didn't need to as Harry refused to look at him. Something he deserved he was sure but he couldn't let this one go after all of the mess he had to clean up. He didn't want to let this young man get hurt anymore and if this was the way then so be it. "After your detention on Friday; go to professor Snape's office and he will take you to the Weasley's." Dumbledore told him kindly as he finally opened the door for Harry to leave._

_The second the door was opened Harry rushed out of the office leaving Dumbledore to watch in sadly in his wake._

Back to the present…

Harry washed his face of the tears that would not stop but he couldn't hide his red swollen eyes from the crying. He looked one last time into the mirror and although he hated walking down the halls looking like this he left anyway. As he was walking down the stairs of the dormitory he pulled up the hood of his robe; no one was in the common room though not that he cared.

Harry kept his head down as he walked through the corridors and no one stopped him. But he did get some looks when he passed some people. But he paid them no mind. All too soon he reached Filch's office. He took off the hood of his cloak and took a deep breath before knocking on the door. He would get through this detention whatever it was that Filch came up with because he knew it was the least he deserved for what he did to Sirius.

Harry heard the ruffling of something through the door and stomps of someone running around on the other side. He knocked again and he heard the sound of Filch's chains clinging together before the door shot open showing Filch on the other side. Filch took one look at Harry and grinned a rather nasty grin and pulled him inside and locked the door.

"You're late. Why?" Filch asked harshly.

Harry just stared ahead of him. He wasn't in the mood to talk to anyone. He wanted as little conversation as possible while he was cleaning toilets or scrubbing the floors so he could leave.

Filch's grin was replaced by his usual scowl; he didn't want any of that. "Answer me!"

Harry flinched slightly but held his ground. He wasn't afraid of Filch. "I'm here on time. I was waiting at the door."

"Are you trying to tell me it's my fault?" Filch asked outraged.

Harry shook his head. He just wanted to get this over with.

Filch looked to be debating something before that nasty grin found its way back to his face. Harry held his breath. Whatever his detention was it had to be something horrible or else filch would be so happy.

"Well then you'll just have to stay later to make up for the lost time then. Sit." He said while pointing to a chair in front of his desk. Harry sat down while Filch sat behind the desk and took out a detention slip.

"Name- Harry Potter… crime- leading headmistress to be attacked and escaping school grounds….. Punishment-….."

Filch looked up to Harry and Harry looked at him defiantly. Nothing he could make Harry do could be too bad right?

"….. Whipping."

Harry stared at the man gaping in shock and horror. "You- you can't do that! It's against the rules!"

Filch looked up from the parchment with a gleam in his eye. "Ah! But Professor Umbridge allowed it, and Professor Dumbledore did not do anything to forbid it before he gave you detention with me; which means I am finally allowed to dole out what's been coming to you brats for years! And you can't do anything about it! for the next four days until Friday evening you will be screaming until you learned your lesson and I will make sure you learn it well…"

**A/N- i know it's short but it's just the prologue. tell me what you think of the start of it thanks!**


	2. the First Cut is the Deepest

**Disclaimer- I don't own Harry Potter! I am not a pimp and Harry would not appreciate being the alternative to a pimp. J.K. Rowling however is the Pimp and even though she killed off close to everyone I loved in her story she still owns Harry Potter. But he refuses to be the B*#%$.**

**PLEASE READ THE FOLLOWING TO UNDERSTAND THE CHAPTER! It's not that much I'm sure you'll live if you read it. If you don't I will seriously go and cry my eyes out at your funeral. So please don't die I love you guys!**

**A/N- Harry's mind is wandering from his detention back to real life. The italicized is Harry's detention and sometimes his thoughts. (I will say when.) While the regular is present time.**

**A/N-Also I do NOT condone the use of whips (if it's in the **_**bedroom**_** then that's your business completely.) and any act of violence unless it is in self-defense so remember to just say no! **

**WARNING- this is the only chapter I'm going to cover the following in so deeply. It's just the first night of Harry's punishment and he's cleaning off all of his injuries. The next few chapters will be Harry going about the day and hiding his punishments from people and Harry going on the verge of depression.**

Harry left Filch's office nearly two hours later feeling as if he had gotten hit by the knight bus. There was no one in the corridors as he was heading back up to Gryffindor tower and he was thankful for that. He wanted no one to see him so weak. He pulled his hood back up and trudged down the corridors and took his sweet time on the steps. He was in too much pain to go up too fast and even with the speed he was going (dreadfully slow) his body still was flaring up in pain.

Once he got up the steps Harry croaked out the password to the fat lady who looked at him oddly. "Well _you_ look like you got hit with a train. What happened to you?" she asked loftily.

Harry tugged his hood down more to cover his face and looked down with a grimace. "Never mind that just let me in." he said somewhat harshly.

The fat lady looked indignant. "Well _alright_! But I really should be sending you to the hospital wing for the night instead maybe that would take care of the pain you're obviously in and the attitude!"

_Nothing could take care of the pain_ Harry thought_ I deserve it anyway._

Harry sighed frustratingly and rubbed his wrists. "Look I'm sorry just let me in alright?" He mollified slightly.

The fat lady huffed but opened the portrait none-the-less. Harry made his way in carefully only to see the only people in there were the first and second years who were so engrossed in their work that they didn't even notice Harry coming in. slowly Harry made his way to the stairs for his dorm but just as he was about to go up he heard a voice from behind.

"Hey Harry!"

Harry sighed and turned around. "Hello Dennis." He said to the too eager looking boy.

"Did you hear the news, Dumbledore's back! He came back early this morning as it seems."

At the mention of the headmaster Harry felt… well he didn't know how he felt. He still didn't like the man for ignoring him all year, and for giving him detention with Filch for the rest of the week. But he was better than Umbridge; even if it was only slightly at the moment…

_**SWISH-CRACK!**_ _Harry was laid across Filch's desk with his wrists bound to the side by one of the man's many chains, his shirt over his head as the old 'caretaker' was teaching him his 'lesson'_

_**SWISH-CRACK!**_

_Harry bit his lip, he wasn't going to scream; he wouldn't give Filch the satisfaction. It wasn't like he wasn't used to this type of treatment from his uncle. 'But uncle Vernon never got a hold of a whip though' he thought sullenly. _

_**SWISH-CRACK!**_

_**SWISH-CRACK!**_

_Filch was getting angry by what Harry could tell, it had been a while since they started and he had yet to make a noise. Filch wasn't to know that Harry was almost biting a hole in his lip just to keep quiet._

_**SWISH-CRACK!**_

_**SWISH-CRACK!**_

_This time he flinched; he couldn't help it. The whip had hit one of his new 'cuts' and he felt the same skin burn in intensity._

"_Well well well, we finally got some where haven't we?" Filch's sickly voice was heard from behind him._

_**SWISH-CRACK!**_

_He flinched again and heard Filch from behind him, his cackling laughter sent chills down his spine….._

_**SWISH-CRACK!**_

"Well? Aren't you excited?" Dennis asked enthusiastically.

Harry furiously shook himself out of his new memory and immediately wished he hadn't when his back flared up from doing so.

"_Harry_?" Dennis asked persistently.

"What?" he asked a little too harshly.

Dennis stepped back at his tone and Harry couldn't help but feel a little guilty to matter how annoying the boy was being.

"Look Dennis I'm sorry, I just got back from detention and I'm _really_ tired right now so I want to get to bed." Harry told him with as much strength as possible. He had to get up into his dorm _now._

His apology seemed to work for Dennis smiled up at him in admiration. "Oh! Okay sorry Harry! Hey should I tell your friends when they come in not to go get you?" he asked eagerly.

Harry who was already halfway up the steps by the end of his sentence did his best to pivot and smile at him without making it look like a grimace. "That'd be great Dennis thanks." And before Dennis could even respond Harry made his way as quickly as he could up the rest of the steps and shut the door and silenced it.

The moment he closed the door he found he could no longer hold himself up and fell to the floor shaking. As much as Harry wanted to just lay there and die in all of his pain and misery he knew he had to get up. He was leaning against the door for Christ-sake; someone would know something was wrong the second they came in; if they could even _get_ in that was.

While scrounging up what little strength he had, Harry crawled to the bathroom on the other side of the dorms and shut that door behind him as well. He hated not being able to walk there let alone even stand like he was after one of his own uncle's punishments but he just could not find the energy to do so.

With shaking hands he grabbed a hold of the counter top and with all of his might; pushed himself up into standing position leaning heavily against the counter. He grimaced at the sight of himself in the mirror; he really looked like a mess. In fact if it weren't for the solid black robes everyone would have known what had happened.

Well…. part of what happened. He'd never tell anybody what Filch had done to him.

_**SWISH-CRACK!**_

_Harry laid there as his tears were flowing silently and freely from his face now. He knew he deserved this; he got the only person he loved as a parent killed- murdered in cold blood-_

_And it was all his fault._

_**SWISH-CRACK!**_

_That was 19… or was it 24? Harry couldn't remember anymore. All that he knew in that moment was the filch was taking his own sweet time relishing in what he had missed in a very long time and each whip just added onto the burning pain in his back. It was hard to tell each lashing from the other as it was all just causing his whole back to ache tremendously._

_**SWISH-CRACK!**_

Harry didn't even realize he had his eyes painfully shut until he snapped them open and squinted from the bright lights in the bathroom. When he got used to the light he took a careful glance in the mirror to get a better look of what he had to hide. His face was sweaty and his eyes were slightly swollen and even with the light on as bright as it was he was incredibly pale. As slowly as possible Harry made his way to the sink and turned on the faucet. He made quick (no so quick) work of washing his face and trying to make himself look slightly better at the least. As he was washing his face he took a quick look at his wrists and winced at the new marks that a few hours ago weren't even there.

"_It's up on those chains for you now boy!" Filch growled menacingly from behind him as he started to untie the chains around his desk to take Harry even further into his chambers….._

Very gently, Harry washed his hands as much as he could without touching his wrists**(1)**; as to not cause any more pain but even still the movement flared up and Harry bit his lip to keep from gasping. Harry reached over into the medicine drawer and grabbed some cotton swabs, a tube of antibiotics cream**(2)** bandage pads and some gauze. He leaned over to the faucet and turned on the water and corked the drain to fill the sink with water as he took a hand towel and got to work.

It took a while for Harry to clean his wrists as it was too difficult to even move them without a sharp sting every few moments. He dipped half of the towel into the sink and squeezed it gently before softly applying it to first his left wrist then dipping it back into the water and squeezing the now pink water into the sink before doing the same to his right. He used the other side of the towel to dab his wrists dry and took out the cream and with the cotton swabs he very gingerly put it onto his swollen cuts he took out the bandage pads and wrapped them tightly around the open area.

Yes they were still painful and while Harry knew they might possibly scar, these wounds would still heal. In time.

Harry took a deep breath and looked at himself determinedly into the mirror. _Time to see the real damage._ Harry thought to himself. He started to unfasten his cloak slowly and let it drop to the floor. Harry took a minute to relish in the feeling of taking off his cloak and feeling at least one load being taken off of his shoulders. Without looking down he unbuttoned his slightly soaked shirt and let that drop to the floor as well. Harry kept his eyes closed tight as he felt a breeze on his back and the sting it left in the open gashes. He took a moment to compose himself before pivoting and opening his eyes to see Filch's 'handiwork'.

It really was quite a sight too. There wasn't an inch on his back that wasn't covered in either a gash or dried blood. The antibiotic cream wouldn't work on them and he couldn't use murlap essence on the lashes and even if he could he had no way to even obtain any as the only one he could get some from was Hermione and she wasn't there and couldn't tell her. Not ever. But there wasn't much he could do to them.

"_Before you even try it, nothing will lessen the pain of those marks. That whip I used makes the gashes heal over but the pain will linger for days. It's a special whip that the headmistress gave to me to whip you brats before the old codger came back."_

Harry had to wash the cuts himself and he knew he would have to do it soon, but every movement with his arms left a burning sensation that if he didn't have enough experience with uncle Vernon's punishments he wouldn't even have been able to lift himself off of the ground; so with as much ease as possible Harry made his way over to the showers and turned the closest one on so it was just dripping lightly onto the floor. Harry put his back in slowly into the water and winced as the water touched his skin. He held himself under the water for a minute before turning the water off and went back to the mirror.

He realized now that the gashes were no longer bleeding and looked to be scabbed over already but they still felt as new as when he was with Filch. The water took off a bit of the dried blood but most of it stayed stubbornly on. Harry sighed. There was nothing he could do about it as he couldn't reach behind his back. He could barely lift his arms up to his face without some effort for Merlin's sake! He sympathized it was better than at Privet Drive as he had a time limit to sneak around and clean his injuries. Hopefully he could get some of it off in the morning.

Harry let out the water in the sink down the drain and threw all of the garbage out before putting the cream and left over gauze back in the drawer. He gingerly bent down and picked up his bloody clothing and opened the door to the dorms.

No one was back yet and for that Harry was thankful. He trudged slowly to his trunk and deposited his bloody clothing into its depths. He took off his trousers and threw them in as well and grabbed some pajamas before shutting the lid. No way in hell would he put them on but just in case he had to cover his marks up from his dorm mates he had a way to. He climbed into his bed and snapped the curtains firmly shut. He took his wand out and charmed them shut and silent before finally letting his exhaustion overtake him and fell into a fitful sleep.

No one would wake Harry Potter from his nightmares that night. No one would even know that he screamed himself hoarse until the moment he fell into his nightmare once again. They all just kept to themselves in their own peaceful little worlds.

No one cared; and it was all Harry's fault.

**A/N- before you all hunt me down and kill me with pitchforks for that last line, you know this is a hurt/comfort fic. Harry doesn't know yet that he is not alone and that someone out there does care for him as a parent.**

**(1) Harry knows that if he doesn't wash his hands before he cleans the wound they could get infected with the bacteria on his hands.**

**(2) Neosporin or any other medicine that goes on cuts. I know you probably already know but I just wanted to clear that up for those of you who don't.**

**I was shocked and pleased when I got all of the positive reviews on the first chapter alone and I hope you guys really liked this one. One of the reasons I'm really nervous is that I hope it held up to your standards and that you guys would like to read more.**

**As for Lupin, (later being called Remus in the story) ;) he will be good. He's one of my favorite characters (if not then my favorite character in the books). So he will help Harry but I'm not telling when. That would ruin it. **

**The first chapter alone had 20 reviews, 33 favorites, 50 alerts, and 1,453 hits total. That is more than any of my other stories first chapter and I'm thrilled you liked the beginning. I hope you guys liked this one and drop a review and tell me what you think. Have a great day guys love you all!**


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